ON BEING SINGLE AGAIN

Ah! The geyser is working again. The fruity smell of the shampoo trickles down the spine washing away a whole day at office. Wrapping around the dry freshness of the towel he emerges into an evening date with self.

All books are reread, all paintings unripe, all music jarring for the hour. The blanket suggests tobacco and Trika. Insects gather round the brilliant filaments: epitome of absurdity…epitome of life. He switches off the lights.

No ring disturbs the slumber
But a 3:00 a.m. nightmare and tears, none to hold him close.
In the morning however, it all feels liberating.

C'EST LA VIE

To love is an exquisite pain
Being loved is only half as interesting.
*
Life is a great big booze party
Death seems to be the hangover.
*
Undying love requires the peculiar passion of youth
Then over the years, it becomes an occasional feeling.

ABSURDITY OVERCOME

A hot shower
A worn out silken scarf
Chicken broth and toast

The smell of well bound books
And Linseed mixed with turp
The light at the end of a wakeful night,
Tobacco, toils and burning eyes

Simple pleasures are the only luxury the complex can afford.

Tagore: PREM O PROKRITI, 71

Nothing shall remain as you take your leave
But the pain you gifted me in parting

In your whim you come to my arbour
All shall I cover that you trample on your way
Only sweet pain will keep me company
As the darkness descends at the end of the day

The plaintive strains of the farewell flute
Now fills the evening sky
O beautiful sorrow shall live evergreen
Nurtured by the tears of goodbye

THE WHY AND WHY OF THINGS

No one knows how the story began
Nor why it ended so abruptly
Separation of light-years within seconds
A tangible, palpable separation
Aliens from amigos
Strangers lost in time, space
And fondness

But I know why
It was love

It was love which grew out of nowhere
For no apparent reason
And with no possibilities

Great expectations mushrooming unnoticed
Unintended
Uncalled-for

Unrequited love
(They have made it a cliche)

But now, attachments none
Habituation of the heart brings only pain

CAFE

Loneliness engulfs in noxious vapours
Drops of longing trickle by my heart
I order another coffee

It is innocuous actually
There has been more harm for far lesser cause
Been more crazy for far less love

INSOMNIA 2

My ears still remember the whisper of your breath
My skin still bears the warmth of your limbs
The fragrance of your curls still linger in my dreams
But you are not here anymore

As I lay tossing on my bed
Waiting for the truant sleep
An electric dream burns my vision
Oh! What shall be my penance?

INSOMNIA

I see you sleeping by my side
The fullness of your lips quivering
Your breath I long to feel them
Your hands I want to kiss them
But sleep on my love
And let me die a million sighs

STEEL CITY DIARIES

Dear R,
...I realised that I shall miss you more badly than I ever imagined I could; even more than I was ready to allow myself to.
A.

Try to keep in touch, what else?...
R

NOCTURNE

The rain cried with me all night
The wind, she held me close
I lay there silent on the grass
Kind darkness kissed my brow

It was a night of dreams
A shreiking night of dreams
A shattered moon lay floating on the pools

HERE AND NOW

Who has seen beyond the frontier?
Not you my friend nor I
I do not know if we shall meet
After the last goodbye

I do not know what lies ahead
Of wake from restful sleep
So just lets live and just lets laugh
For nothing is to keep

THE GIFT

Do ask of me anything
Anything that i might give you
And i asked for these twenty four hours
Just Twenty four hours for you and me
Dangling between chores of existence

But the ephemeral moment was pregnant with a promise still born

What a fool I was
in my heart I surely knew
What i seek is the earth and sky

SUBMISSION

Is love a competition?
Then surely am defeated
No power nor will to wrest my claim

So let me turn my being
Just turn it right inside out
And paint it with stoic indifference

RETROSPECTION

It has been long since I longed for you
And life seemed full of lonely sighs
Quite a while has it been since I wept for you
(Like I did for all subsequent goodbyes)

Without you, I had thought, I would not live
Thereafter I knew I would survive
Though with each evanescent love
Somewhere a part of me died

Mon Frérot

All that has been said seems so trifling
All that has not shall never be
But how do words count?
Let silence sing for me my friend
My ode to you
My swansong

WINTER MORNING

Untie the shoestrings off my imagination
Let him tread bare on the grass
Let the dew dampen my parched mind
Bring life to the old carcass

The whispy fog which floats like a veil
Woven with memories
Let it melt with the morning sunrays sweet
Adieu old love stories

I reached the end of all future
Now i start to live anew
With every step on the green green grass
speckled with the glistening dew

REST

I have been a man of many loves:
A dozen in the past few years
Searching, not knowing what i seek
Clutching at a million fears

It has not been an ordinary life

But now I am lost and tired
Now i am spent and plain
O girl who loved me once
Will you sing me to sleep again?

APRICOTS FOREVER

So what are you doing now?
Having apricots
What?
Apricots

I like the way you say it: a-e-pri-cots
Huh! What is so nice about that?
Nothing! Just like it, you know:
The way you like certain things
Without any rhyme or reason for doing so?

Flash back
Good night and apricots
Vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce
Apricots are any day better

MADIKERI

I saw you in my dreams last night
On the Madikeri hills
We walked in silence hand in hand
All else just stood standstill

I saw you in my dreams last night
You blessed me with a kiss
I could give my all my love
For a night such as this

I'll see you in my dreams tonight
I'll stab you with a knife
I'll sing to you my love-song
And then I'll take my life

AUTUMN: RESURRECTED

On the wings of the crow evening descends
Dripping from a tangerine sky
The scattered stars, a buckle moon,
Gleaming lantern festoons
Grow bright as the light slowly dies

An evening breeze gently blows
Gently lifts a fallen leaf
It flits, and it floats, and it flies
It gets lost in the dark,
In the lonely city park
Will it ever return if it tries?

BOHEMIA

Did you know in delicious dreams
I carry you over to the bed?
A kiss and a million
A screw or two
We lie peaceful, dead

Oh yes it was fine indeed
The Smoke from our cigarettes mingle
Though you are not my type, and others do dwell in the cranium
Indeed, it was just fine
Fine in a delicious dream.

But who is it now, darling?
Just guess who it shall be
Is it another epiphany
Or I hear the telephone ring?

ANOTHER DAY, WINTER (THE LOST POEM)

Sleep's sweet poison lingering in my lashes
Huddled in a little warmth i lay
Mingling in the morning mist dreams a night old

Cup of coffee and cold sandwiches
From a blue tiffin box
My break is in the company of thoughts

Rushing in a cab
Past the lonely city lights
I come to a home all full of longing

I keep dreaming all night
I keep thinking all day
I keep longing all my life for you darling

SPRING: REVISITED

It is spring. And I shall not dwell in gloom any longer; that I do promise myself. The golden sunlight rolls over and trickles down the lime green leaves into the gurgling kitchen drain which twinkles with bits of diamonds bouncing off the ripples. The breeze is gentle like the breath of a sleeping child, fragrant like the rind of a tangerine. Misty white wisps rise from my tea cup and turn into golden fumes at the touch of the splintered light straining through the kitchen window, dancing and swirling with the white lace curtains to some unheard tune. The whispering melody flows into my mind, my veins and capillaries; filling the languid stillness of the morning with some joy unknown. I remain happy just to exist. A mere particle in the cosmic chaos, oblivious of any fatalistic outcome of the great pattern, but filled to the brim with its fair share of joy, ready to bounce off and roll over the hurdles that the present day might offer.

IN CONVERSATION

And yet life is lonely
As the floodgates open in drunken stupor
Drops, drops and drops
The soul thirsts for blue poison once more

An inebriated kiss trickles down the edge of an aeon
My eyes, they close
The birds of the blue earth fly into abstraction

In eagerness I ruffle my feathers damp
Bits of scissored neon light remain scattered around the grille
Shall fly into the black embrace of night
A darkness without address, without even existence
But alas! The wings they are severed

Only shadows remain scattered
In all light, in all darkness
Not a feather, not a drop of rain
Not you, nor I
Only gusts did I gift life
And the boat was lost in the river-breast
You keep waiting for the colours to mature
Meanwhile it rains in the canvas
Washing off all fairy-tales
Just a fistful of sand left behind

But may be those are not shadows
Fistfuls of stardust are strewn on the dunes
Sheathing the moon, sheathing the clouds,
May be shadows they are not
May be it is I
After silent departure

Someday the boat was to be lost in foreign waters
A mistaken address
The wrong river
As the shadows merge between the stars
All that remains is an oceanic night
Waves,
Tides,
And a girl, hiding her face in the dunes
The girl from the poet’s diary
The girl who could not return in the nick of time

A one-night-stand
A millisecond of love
No recognition thereafter.
And that is how we receive anew
Comprehension nil, neither any effort at it
This is not mind, nor brain…just the intoxication of life.